The 9 Circles of Marketing Hell: Do You Have Your Ticket? (Infographic)

Have you committed a marketing offense? Did the search engines and your customers chew you up and spit you out?

Some marketing offenses are so evil that there’s only one place for those people to go… Hell.

If you’re not sure if you committed 1 of the 9 deadly marketing sins, then you should pay close attention to this infographic. It may just get you out of marketing purgatory.

Your 9 Circles of Marketing Hell Trip Itinerary

Circle 1: Creating Ugly Content
The Punishment: You only get two colors to play Draw Something with: brown and gray. And you have to play uninterrupted, for the rest of eternity, with sound effects on.

Circle 2: Being Boring (SEO Hell)
The Punishment: Clean up the entire internet. Read every single word of every single page that’s published, and filter out the low-quality content.

Circle 3: Not Monitoring Social Media
The Punishment: You have to personally respond to every angry customer complaint that comes through social media, for every brand in the world.

Circle 4: Bad Automation
The Punishment: Every time a message is automatically sent to the wrong recipient via email, social, or mobile, Lou Bega’s “Mambo No. 5” plays while someone flicks you in the ear.

Circle 5: Bad Targeting
The Punishment: You have to listen to a never-ending sequence of poorly constructed sales pitches for products and services you don’t need.

Circle 6: Misleading Messaging
The Punishment: If you pull the ol’ bait & switch on people, you get to spend eternity swimming in a pile of rotting fisherman’s bait. Gross.

Circle 7: Copyright Infringement (2nd Level of SEO Hell)
The Punishment: All the bad internet content being filtered out of the second circle will come to you, which you must copy word for word on a blackboard, using your nails as chalk.

Circle 8: Email Spamming (3rd Level of SEO Hell)
The Punishment: You will, literally, eat and sleep SPAM. The only food you’ll have to eat will be canned SPAM, and your bed will be a fluffy, SPAM-tastic mattress, pillow, and blanket.

Circle 9: Interruptive Marketing
The Punishment: You’ll be engaged in an eternity-long slap bet in which, at any point and with no warning, someone will come out and slap you across the face. You will live in constant fear of impending and inevitable slaps.

Marketing Hell Infographic

Questions: What other sins would you add to this travel arrangement? Is there someone you’d like to buy a ticket for?

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